So, this was 2016

I really don’t have a lot that is “blog worthy” going on, but I like to make updates on occasion that are more than observations on the humanity (or lack thereof) around me.

2016 was a crazy year, we lost many celebrities that we all adore and we lost our Country… Thanks to those who voted for Cheeto Hitler, America has been set back 50 years. Obviously. we didn’t hop in a time machine, but Women and the LGBTQ Community are worried that many rights that were fought so hard for will be taken away. I know that sounds a bit hyperbolic, but it is shaping up to be a valid concern.

I, personally, grew a lot this year as a person. I learned that sometimes we need to step away from the hatred and drama and allow ourselves to be around people who are a positive influence, as a result we, ourselves become not only more positive, but a better example of how a person should be. It’s hard to always be “on”, but by having a positive outlook and respect for others, we by association, become happier.

Here’s to 2017 being even better…

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Human decency… 

So, you meet someone online and end up helping them out with something heart wrenching, are there for them and truly care about their well being and their issue… Then you find out they’re an elitist ass.

Do I regret helping them?

Nope.

My time still wasn’t wasted, people are people and human beings need affirmation and support, so even if you find out someone isn’t a good person, you should never regret helping them through a hard time. Maybe, just maybe enough people showing them kindness will make them rethink their bad choices.

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Investments

We all have those “friends” that are a bad investment.

We care, so we try to be there for them, and it is rarely reciprocated. It would be nice to get a “hi” once in a while, or an “I acknowledge you still exist” without them needing money. When I contact people like this, it’s usually to say “hey, I’m thinking about you”, and I get a canned response of “everything sucks” or other drama and a robotic “how are you?”.

I know I’m not the center of anyone’s universe, (wouldn’t really want to be, honestly) and frankly, if they don’t want me in their life, I’m happy to go away… But I’m getting too old for bullshit friends.

This isn’t to say I invest a lot of emotion into these people, I’m pretty pragmatic. I used to get all upset when people blew me off, now I just chalk it up to people being inherently selfish. I’m not going to stop being a good person and making efforts until someone shows me repeatedly that I should.

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Life … is good

I’ve been really happy lately with my life overall.

I love my job, Robert and I are getting along great, I am exercising and feeling better than I have in years, and we are approaching the end of several debts.  I’d like to be able to also say that we were homeowners again, but that’s still a couple years off.  This is the last house, so we really want to find the perfect place and we want to have about 20% down.

Additionally, I think I have finally let go of the past, the animosity, and the issues that I have held onto for so long.  I know who my real friends are, I know where I stand with my friends and loved ones, and I am more at peace with me than I think I have ever been.  I think maturity has a lot to do with it, but I also feel like I communicate better with people and I don’t allow others to dictate my emotions.

Now, if I can just lost this effing 30lbs… I have been stuck at 190-195 for 4+ years now!

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Why walls exist…

I guess I shouldn’t be upset or surprised when “friends” blow me off. Especially those who always act like I should always be there for them, but when reversed they are not capable of being there for me. I tried, but everything I say goes in one ear and out their mouth.

It’s also frustrating to always be nice, generous, caring and friendly, and still be thought of as this super woman with no feelings or emotion. Sure, I used to hide behind a bitch persona, but I’m not hiding anymore, and being exposed is hard. Especially when the emo, whiny, selfish, attention whores get all of the “oh she’s so nice” even though they rarely even check on “friends” unless they’re contacted first…

Also to not be able to say anything to anyone because “they’re fragile” and if they have their feelings hurt, they’ll implode.

And people wonder why 90% of my friends are male. Ugh!

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2014 is here…

And I managed to keep all of my goals for 2013 except the Real Estate exam. In 2014 I will likely study more and take the exam, but I ran it to the deadline and missed by a few points because I am a busy procrastinator.

This year I want to get this smaller body into shape and learn another language… I would also like to blog more…

We will see how well that goes!

All Tucked In…

I finished my last skin removal procedure a week ago, and though it was a 10 hours surgery, I am doing pretty well.  They lifted my butt, thighs, and tightened the skin on my sides/upper back.  This was about 2 years after my lower stomach skin removal, tummy tuck and arm lift.  I am finally no longer… saggy.  Now I just need to get to the gym and make some toned muscle underneath!

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow!

Fat Girl Brain

Yes, I still have “fat girl” moments.

I know when I look in a mirror, and buy clothes that my size 12 flat tummy isn’t “fat”, but the compulsion is still there.

“Mmm, popcorn… Insert into face”
“Mmm, cheese… Insert into face”
“Mmm, cookies… Insert into face”

And so on… It’s a daily struggle…

I wonder how other people deal with these issues?

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Memory-al Day 2013

So, today is Memorial Day 2013, I’m thinking about my dad who was buried alongside my mom on Saturday.

I didn’t really know him well until the last few years, but the time I got to spend with him was irreplaceable. I miss them both so much, but I know that they aren’t suffering anymore. <3 20130527-141957.jpg

2013… The year of improvements!

It’s 2013 and I’m the smallest I’ve ever been in my adult life. 3 years ago I started a journey of weight loss and better health… Now I’m almost 100 lbs lighter, 11 sizes smaller, and leagues healthier as a result. I’ve still got about 25-30 lbs to go, but I truly believe it will happen this year.

Also, almost 1 year ago I started a 1 year contract job at the American Heart Association, and now, within a month I’ll be a permanent employee there. I truly enjoy what I do, and love the people I work with… So I really hope this one sticks.

My dad is doing alright in the nursing home, and though I miss having him here, he is still here and that’s the most important thing… I really thought I was going to lose him back in August when he went to the hospital.

Robert is going back to school, mostly to get some new certifications, but also his BS in IT. He has always been “the Unix guy”, but is living in a very Microsoft world. I’m proud of him for staying current and furthering his education… He’s too brilliant to stagnate.

Oh, and we made it to the status of debt free! I paid off the last credit card in December, and only have the Nissan left to pay off. It was rough, but now we can focus on getting into a smaller house that we want to stay in forever.

Lastly, I’ve been procrastinating on my Real Estate test because I’m terrified of the math portion, but I’m really focusing on going in soon and kicking its butt.

Anyway… I’m pretty happy overall… And I’m looking forward to an awesome year!